This is part one of a 27 page group story that was written during 9th grade language arts. This story is one of heroics and love and pain and sorrow. Without further adieu, The Amazing Group story!
Please note this is unedited directly from the Google Docs. Also please be aware that this story may not be appropriate for younger audiences. Look who wrote this story at the bottom, it was definitely a group effort!
Amazing Group Story
“Go die in a hole, Lucca! Keegan and Dylan can join you.” said Joseph. Joe was really ticked after discovering that Keegan had AIDS which he had just given to Joe through Noodle soup. Keegan then did a lot of heroin and other drugs of this type. Most of these drugs were given to him by the company Jon and Co. Steroids. He obtained them from Jon and Lucca. He used these steroids to try and get all dem ladies, especially Emily, but failed, hard. He kept on trying to impress her by eating full cows and throwing cars at her but she 2, 4, 6, 8, did not appreciate. But then she was all like, “Oh, if nobody can have me, I can have me. Wait I think it’s the other way around.” She then jumped into The Matrix and was all like, “Peace out mofos(Keegan and Dylan)!”
Suddenly, after entering The Matrix, she realised she had actually entered Halo 8! Dun dun duhhhhh! After looking around her, she realised she was trapped in Keegan’s heart helmet. Her heart sank as she realised she may never be able to escape BACK TO THE FUTURE!!! (also Keegan). After recognising this predicament, she set out to find the true son of the Fallen King (John Cena). Eventually after hours of searching on JohnCena.net, she decided to construct a average sized fully functioning hoverboard.
Approximately six hours later Riley was on his way to check up on Emily’s disappearance, being the 5-star Wizard Cop, but little did he know Dylan was sent by Keegan to stop him. Suddenly a wild Darth Vader appeared before him. Riley then pulled out his lightsaber and cut off the head of Vader similar to that one scene in A NEW HOPE OF THE PHANTOM MENACE RETURNS. After the head toppled to the floor the mask exploded, revealing no other than Flirgendirgen! ”HOLY SHIBOOP!” said Riley. “Am I on Drugs?” Suddenly Riley heard a quiet Whisper. “ Liiinnncccooolnnn…” out of nowhere a Lincoln fell out of a tree and crushed Riley under it. “I’VE MCFALLEN!” Riley exclaimed. Matthew McConaughey was the driver. He murmured, “Alright Alright Alright…”. Riley’s eyes shot open, the thought still lingered in his mind as he layed in a car trunk.
Meanwhile, Emily was still trapped in “Halo 8.” For the past 4 hours Emily had been trapped looking at Keegan’s face. Keegan kept talking and talking, apparently over past couple years of Emily destroying Keegan’s dreams he had developed a fetish for oranges. Out of nowhere a blue portal appeared a few feet from them. A shape appeared out of it, Matt drove in with a grey Lincoln from the 5th dimension. But this was no ordinary Matthew, he was wearing some sort of space suit. He also kept murmuring something about a infinite library. “Oh Snap, It’s Orange Matthew McConaughey from Interstellar!” Said Emily. “Alright Alright alright.” Lincoln keys in hand, he started stabbing up all the Orphans for his own sick pleasure. Keegan smiled at his entrance. “Yes Comrade! My pretty little bag of Vitamin C!”. At that moment Keegan turned around to see the dead kids and laughed until he passed out. “Of course! He’s feeding off of Orange Matthew’s Orange energy. That boy needs some milk!” Said Emily.
Suddenly Abraham Lincoln appeared through an orange portal in yo Grand dad’s clothes (Lookin Incredible) on the back of a mystical Frow ( Frog and Cow) and warns our Antagonist about the new apocalypse that can only be caused by a combination of Orange Matthew McConaughey and Keegan’s life force. He explains that Orange Matthew McConaughey gets a sniper and performs a 420-Y-Y LATERAL NO-SCOPE and kills Keegan absorbing his life spirit
and having a power level over 9000 to end the world.
IN OTHER NEWS!!
Riley looked around him hopeful of an easy escape route but was saddened to find none. He kicked out the tale light by instinct and looked out of it. Unfortunately it only took a few more minutes before the vehicle he was in stopped. The trunk opened for Riley to gaze upon his captor. Dylan glared at him for a moment before lifting him out of the trunk and dragging him into an abandoned looking warehouse. Riley was surrounded by darkness as he was thrown onto a chair. after being firmly restrained, Dylan crouched in front of him.
“Where is He?!” Dylan yelled at Riley in a voice similar to Batman.
“Wheres Who?” he replied. A light flickered on and Riley caught the dark gleam of a crowbar.
“ My Dad! HE WENT TO THE STORE AND NOW HE’S GONE! WHERE IS HE?!”
“I don’t know, maybe we should check there?” Riley replied. Dylan paused, then said “Cool Cool.” They were interrupted by the sound of a door being kicked in. Matthew McConaughey stepped into the light before them.
“Dad?” Dylan asked innocently.
“No, well kinda. But that’s not the point, you need to come with me if you want to live.” Riley frowned at Matt.
“ And you need to hold on!” Riley replied as he ripped off his Sith Wizard Cop uniform to reveal a red suit with a yellow lightning symbol on it. DUNNANUNNANUNNNA!! After a moment of shock from Matthew and an exchange of pride with an epic nod, Dylan broke the silence. “Where are we going? How are we going to get there?” Dylan asked. “I’ve got an idea” said Matthew. after a few minutes of setting up they had configured a line that attached from Riley to the broken Delorean Matthew had used to get to their location. “We just need to get this Baby to 88mph!” Said a familiar voice. They all turned to see Joe in a Doc Brown costume.
“Okay,” said Riley. “The plan is for me to pull the Delorean up to a speed where we can travel to the past in order to tail Dylan’s Dad to find where he went. And maybe, just maybe that can help us find Emily.”
“Seems legit.” said Tristan.
“Woah, how did you get here?” Said Riley.
“Oh I found this dude who beat a cat to death with another cat. He then gave me a book which had a story which said…. Our heroes shuddered when they heard of this prophecy, and decided the only way to stop this from happening was to find someone to teach them how to train dragons. His name was Bear Grylls, and he knew that if they were to defeat the evil Orange Matthew McConaughey they would have to find the the strongest dragon of them all, John 117 Cena. There was only one problem: this majestic beast lives in The Matrix and our heroes can’t figure out how to get there. Every time they end up back in Halo 8.
“And I figured out, after reading a little into The Amazing Story, that this was close enough.”
“Oh, cool.” He replied. “So should we set out?” Tristan asked quizzically. “ Well I was just planning on waiting for a cutscene so we would have an easy segway to the next part, although there might be some intermission with Emily’s part of the story,” Riley replied.
“ that makes sense, except for we are in a book, there is no cutscene”
“We will make it work”
“Alright Alright Alright…” Matthew said as he slid into their DM’s.
Matt stood next to the ladder, gazing up at it in Wonder
“When will I be able to tell him?”
“In time Matt, In time” Keegan replied mysteriously.
Matt did not appreciate Keegan’s vagueness but let it pass. His thoughts where the ideas of legends, his tactics the ones of heros. So he would be recognized world wide. As a great man had once told him…
Protagonist Tristan: Tristan Ferry
Protagonist Riley: Riley Fleetwood
Protagonist Joe/Doc: Joseph Chauvin
Protagonist Emily: Emily Cinnamon
Protagonist Matthew & MATThew: Matthew Mcconaughey
Protagonist Dylan: Dylan Hess
Antagonist Keegan: Keegan Elkins
Antagonist Abe: Abraham Lincoln R.I.P.
Antagonist Matt & MATThew: Matthew Mcconaughey
Side-Character Flurgen Durgen: M.C.
Side-Character Leo: Patches
Side-Character Puff: Puff the Magic Dragon
Side-Character Anna: Anna
Side-Character Super Brick: Bryce Abeln
Side-Character Duke: Duke Brah
Side-Character Lucca: Lucca Hamina
Mastermind and Primary Author: Jon Carter
Assistant and Part-time Editor: Logan Bergmann
Assistant and Part-time Editor: Vincent Roush
The Transitioner: Transitioner Shwoo
Special Thanks To
Riley Fleetwood, Dylan Hess, Daniel McGough, Emily Cinnamon, Zachary Johnson, Bryce Abeln, Keegan Elkin, Karrisa Terry, Zachary Reinker, Brenden Marshall, Lucca Hamina, Derek Myers, Meria Lee, Taylor Rockwell, Ethan Hampton, Clara Morrison, Ella Stidham, and Mrs. Briery for letting us create an epic story